out there
under starry ancients
beyond dark distant ridges
across that wide barren valley
a glow
the city's reaching lights
its halo blazing hope to the night
eyes lifted to a million feigning stars
rising
fast and defused
breaking up and wanting
more than just another's dream
shrouded
a million angels sing
protect them from the darkness
creep lightly, prey not upon the cold amongst us
-dp-
1-15-15
FROM--Dk Titche: Important thoughts! Love the concept of going back to string. Indeed, quill and parchment or stylus and clay tablets would be even more well grounded. We do seem to be wandering into rather unrewarding and intangible realms of ethereal evanescence.
ReplyDeleteFROM-- Stephen Colley: Interesting idea, and full of subtext. For me, the best lines are the first and last. In line 3, should "us" be "our"? Of if "us" is correct, then delete "past"? The poem seems to stop rather than end. Maybe a closing couplet (which would make it sonnet length)?
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